My Fellow Americans,
 
I would love to record your script as President Barack Obama himself. 

I use professional equipment, a custom sound isolation studio, and always deliver on time.
 
Here’s my solemn promise to you good citizens:
 

• 24-Hour Delivery
• HQ .wav file or .mp3
• Broadcast-Quality Audio Processing
• One Free Veto (you civilians call them “Revisions”)

 
I look forward to serving you with honor and justice. And please, for the love of our good country, no vulgarity or profanity.
 
God bless you, and God bless America,